As some of you know-I'm shipping out to BCT in about 20ish days! I'm having a lot of thoughts go through my mind. I know what I'm doing is the correct move to make at this point and time in my life. So why don't the people who are supposed to support me? I have been working my behind off to lose weight to make sure that I ship out on the 23rd.

What do you do when those you care about start pushing you away? I see this and its becoming more evidant every single day.. It's getting lonlier the closer my ship date comes! I guess I'm just feeling dumb because maybe the people I thought were there for me really aren't.  My best friend in the world is so busy working and watching tv that my phone calls aren't even answered or he's always saying "just text me." Okay...its all dandy but what are you doing thats more important than me? This person is my boyfriend! We've been talking for about a year now. Maybe he feels like I am deserting him? I have no idea but I love him with all my heart. Im not even gone yet. He's gone all the time already. I just suspect that he's pushing me away intentionally...It kills me. Or maybe this is all in my head...who knows.

 

But I'm going to the Army because I want to be a soldier.

I'm going to the Army because I want to serve our Country.

I'm going to the Army to be more than I am right now at this very moment.

I'm doing this for me... so I guess thats all that really matters in the end.

A bit of support would be greatly appreciated.

So...I couldn't go to basic on my scheduled date because I was four pounds over my weight limit and wasn't aware of it. I guess I should have paid more attention. My new ship date is June 23 and I'm no longer going to Fort Jackson but to Fort L-wood in Missouri. After Missouri I'll be spending some time in Oaklahoma at Fort Sill.

 

My new MOS is a 14t.

I've recently started my own business through mary kay. I'm now an Independent Beauty Consultant!!

To celebrate my new business, I'm having a web site sale!!!
If you spend 50, you get free stuff!!!!

check it out!
www.marykay.com/alewis130

I want to make a contribution to the world. I want to do something amazing so when my time here is through, I will not be forgotten. At first I was thinking I should go through college and get my degree in architecture so I can leave something structural behind; my masterpiece would be beautiful and useful. Perfection-if perfection really exists at all. Then I started thinking some more. Things never go as planned so either a natural disaster would find a way to destroy it or a terrorist attack would take place and it would still be destroyed. This thought has led me to this question: If material things eventually become destroyed and people whose lives you’ve touched die,how do you leave anything behind?

I guess people are supposed to live their lives to the fullest because we only have one hundred years or less to live. For some reason I am having trouble believing that people bust their asses their entire lives to achieve “happiness” when at the end of their lives--they might never have really found true happiness. What is the definition of happiness anyway? My mom says this is why there is a thing called faith. This question could be because I am lacking faith or because I’m looking at life very negatively right now. Who knows? I know I do not. This world is simply fucked. If happiness exists why does satisfaction? Why would you just be content when you could be happy? This goes back to the facts that some people spend their entire lives searching for this feeling and never find it because what they are really doing is settling for what is right in front of them.  Others might take for granted what is right in front of them and when it's gone -- they realize that they truly were happy. Is anything ever really good enough? I mean really good enough to the point where you do not want anything else? As if happiness is hard to achieve-some people can't even be satisfied!!

I wish for one day I could go back to when God first created his masterpiece so I could experience the beauty that was intended for it. I am talking about back before everything that we know now existed. Why is it that good is usually overcome by evil? Think about this--this is why you always hear about “the golden rule.” Hate and evil are powerful. Goodness is powerful to but evil usually finds a way to tear it down. This is why a majority of people look at their glass half empty. Parents teach their children morals but does our society really even have a real sense of what is right and wrong? This world really is fucked. There is no saving it. Once again, call it my lack of faith but it's true and the truth hurts.  

It's funny to reread this blog because I don't usually question things like this or take the time to write about things in this depth. I'm frustrated. The sun sets and rises everyday, whether you are ready for it or not. Things change, people leave, but life never stops. The world is passing us by very quickly. I've already been out of High School for almost two years. This scares me because it's flown by and I haven't really accomplished anything! What scares me even more is I have no idea what I am going to do with my life.

Kind of lonely, actually. This is strange because I don't normally need anybody to make me feel happy! lol. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe I am just tired of this place....mostly because of work. Living with my family is great and they are truley the best people I know but some of the other people I have to deal with on a daily basis are just....trifflin!

Work is going aweful! A majority of the  girls I work with are bitches. All younger except the assistant head housekeeper. The assistant head housekeeper is a thief. I work hard for my money and if a tip is left in a room that I have to clean, I should get that damn money not her. All she does is walk around and mark if the room is done or not. She's got her shit twisted. Now that she knows I know all about her she's trying to make my life hell. It's not working, just annoying the hell out of me and making me want to beat her ass really badly. I won't though because shes not worth ninety days in jail. Fuck her though--for real. I don't hate really anybody...but I almost hate her. She's HORRIBLE. I want to bitch slap her. VERY BAD. I have a pinched nerve and I am having trouble making all these beds and bending over cleaning all these bath tubs and getting my rooms done on time. I hope they don't fire me. ugh. I can't afford a chiropractor and they do not offer health insurance. its lame. Better days are coming around.

In four days I'll take the AFQT. I'm pretty excited.
I've got to get focused again and keep my head up.

anyway my friend joey is on leave from iraq and might come see me. i miss him, i hope he does.